We tend to see ourselves in certain ways.
Others tend to see us in certain ways.
We find suitable labels that match us, some that match what our families, friends, and society would say about us and some that don’t quite line up. Sometimes they have their own labels for us. Sometimes, we want to wear those the labels as signs, whether our signs or theirs, but signs that present who we are, how we want people to see us, how we perceive how others see us, as warning signs or signs that justify. We get comfy-cozy behind the signs and the labels, using the sign as a shield, thinking it will protect us. Unfortunately, in that regard, we can begin to let our labels dictate who we are.
I’ve carried those signs.
I’ve carried many different signs.
Alerting. Celebrating. Degrading.
One of my heaviest signs, yet strangely the most comfortable would be the one of a ‘type-A, control freak perfectionist’, and even though I have mostly put that label sign down, I find myself quickly picking up the one that reads: ‘recovering type-A, control freak perfectionist’ which seems to help keep me comfortable, but it’s simply a justification sign excusing those tendencies before they happen.
“Well, you know, that’s just how I tend to be.”
“I’m just that way.”
I could just boldly carry the ‘loved by God… anyway’ sign. Sounds like another preemptive justification sign. It’s true, but why the label? Shouldn’t who I am, better yet Whose I am, be glaringly obvious to those around me? I shouldn’t need a sign. If it’s not, I should work on my way of living, not the sign.
I will say, one thing about my tendencies is I generally see things in black and white… right or wrong, good or evil, perfect or not perfect. I tend to see elements of life, people, circumstances, places, outcomes… through that black and white lens. It’s a great quality for my aptitude in mathematics and for proficiency in accounting, which I am paid to do so I might as well be good at it and have the matching skill set. Even my weather passion benefits from the way I see things. That black and white lens is great for analytical stuff. I see clearly and decide, whatever needs to be decided.
I find it also leads me to speak truth to those seeking it and sometimes to those who aren’t really looking for it, but happen to stumble into me… or I into them, but I try to be gentle and loving in my sharing. I may or may not be successful at that. But I try.
Yet, there’s that other set of people that see the middle, the grey. I often admire the ones who see the grey, the not-so-cut-and-dry, and I must admit it is a struggle for me to see grey, but I search for it. I seek the grey. I yearn for the grey. In fact, it’s extremely unnatural for me to look at a situation, bypass black and white and find that hidden grey {hidden from me anyhow}. It’s truly a challenge for me to see and find the grey. For those of you who easily see the grey, it might be difficult to understand what I am talking about. I see the grey as the ambiguous place where the edges are fuzzy and the facts are guidelines rather than hard and fast rules.
The rules, though, they comfort me.
The extremes offer clear boundaries that offer protection, perceived protection, at least.
I know what I am looking at, and it makes clear sense to me when I am looking at the black and white, the right and wrong, the good and evil, the perfect and the not perfect. I see things clearly and concisely, with sharp edges, and I feel like truth lives there. But I believe grace lives in the grey. My hard and fast, ‘this is truth, so it must be’ way of seeing things… takes on powerful perspective in the lens of grey – where Grace lives.
Just add people to my black and white perspective, people who don’t see things the same way, circumstances that aren’t cut and dry, outcomes that are good for some but not good for others, mix it all together and you’ll find yourself in a beautiful grey mess.
Life.
Life has so many colorful ingredients, but people are one of the main ingredients… We’re here, in this world, doing this life thing, as different people, trying to make it work out together.
Different.
We are so different.
But here we are. Together. In life.
What I have found though, is it’s in that grey swirly people mess, where I find our sweet Jesus.
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.
John 1:14 NIV
Jesus is a combination of {grace} and {truth}, the grey AND the black and white.
That’s where I find Him anyway. Perhaps the grey-lens-people find Him when they seek Him in the slightly out of reach {for them} black and white.
{I love that He meets us in our need, right where we are.}
Really, in all honestly, when I seek Him, I find Him in both the grey and the black and white. It is in the moments when a friend sends a perfectly timed sweet note of encouragement seemingly out of the blue, the blur of subtle encouragement, that’s when I see God’s grace. When a friend reaches out because they heard a song on the radio and they thought of me, there is God’s grace. When I open a package and it’s a thoughtful gift from a friend around the globe, someone my heart has been missing, that is God’s grace. In the embrace of a new friend who took the time to know my name and smile and offer a hug, there is God’s grace. Friends cheering me on that I am on the right track, and even though it’s hard, stay the course — God’s grace. When the sky lights up with His splendor and people start sending me pictures, or better yet when I am in the hospital and receive video after video of the storm my friends know I am missing, beautiful grace. When I receive a random smile from a stranger, at a time I am feeling a bit down, God’s amazing grace. Pulling up at the drive-thru to discover my order has been paid for, His glrious grace. I find God in the various gatherings, encounters, laughter, hope, silliness, seriousness, dinners, games, church, small group, God-incidences, each moment, I see God. So He’s not just in the rules and the obedience and the submission. He’s in the kindness and the forgiveness and the encouragement and the GRACE. He’s in the easy and the hard. And the thing is, it’s richer and more beautiful when it’s diverse and dynamic and colorful and fun-filled and hope-filled. His Grace abounds in all of it.
He gave us relationship, interaction, connection… to reach each other, to answer prayers, to walk out this crazy grey life thing. Because without those relationships, without those interactions, without those connections, it’s hard. Even though they might bring their own challenges and hurts – without the relationships, interactions and connections, it’s hard.
His Grace exists in community, where the grey lives.
His Grace is delivered through diversity’s embrace of all the grey.
His Grace grows in fields of together, in the grey mess.
His Grace multiplies in the grey mess of unconditional love.
His Grace leaves room for the different and loves it anyway.
I pray I will continue to hunger for and pursue the grey. I can always bring the black and the white, but I hunger for the grey – where Grace lives.
And I’m OK with that,
Jenn
Waiting on the Next Step... 