I’m pretty sure those compulsions I spoke about in my previous posts, the compulsion to be perfect and the desperate drive to overachieve can be sort of damaging. Not just in the sense that they wear me slap out. (But they do.) But in the way they tend to cause other people to see me, my life, my actions, my example and set up a standard of performance that they then get worn out trying to emulate or aspire to or accomplish.
I can’t even tell you how many times I have had friends or even friendquaintances (yes, I made that word up, the meaning hopefully is obvious) share with me their perception of me that I seem to have it all together. WHOA!
That could not be further from the truth. Sure, my compulsions make me a bit obsessive about certain details of my life. Sure, I may have done certain things more completely than some other person. I may have accomplished more in one particular path, but I promise that something that they got accomplished, I didn’t. It’s a trade off.
I think we can always find someone who seems to have done more with their time than we have. I need only to hop on Pinterest for a moment to discover that in some ways I am not as “together” as some people because I don’t make my own laundry detergent, don’t have 30 pre-prepared meals ready to plop in the crock pot already bagged and labeled in my freezer, haven’t already hand made Christmas crafts for each of my daughter’s teachers, haven’t re-purposed everything in my house in some specific theme, don’t have my elf-on-the-shelf ideas already predetermined and mapped out through the year 2020… I could go on, but you get the point. Right?
WHAT ARE WE DOING TO OURSELVES?!
Why are we spending our time comparing ourselves to one another and trying to do everything they are doing in addition to everything we are already doing, in addition to doing what that person over there is doing? I promise you that what I accomplish requires certain sacrifices and prioritizations (Did I make that word up? It has the red squigglies underneath it.) that may not work for your particular station of life. I am not where you are. You are not where I am.
We all have a unique calling and plan for our life, which God has for us. My best yes won’t look like yours and that is really OK. (I have just started reading the Best Yes, by Lysa TerKeurst. Since I have just started it, I haven’t got a plethora of wisdom from Lysa yet about it (I know I will soon).)
You see, as I walk out this life thing, everything that comes at me (and we have SO MUCH coming at us!!! Don’t we??) has to go through a filter of sorts. Yes? No? Maybe? Wait? I categorize everything into one of those four places. I am one of the very fortunate ones who is already quite comfortable with my use of the word “no”. I know many people struggle with that, especially when it seems like it’s a really good thing you are being asked to do, especially (it seems) if it’s service for Jesus. Fortunately, even my overachieving tendencies no longer inhibit my use of the word “no”. They used to, but praise Jesus, I am now mostly free of that.
I found this online… anyone know her? Looks like my life…
That does not mean that I don’t have to juggle being a wife, with being a mom, with being a friend, with being a grandma, with being a business woman, with being a leader in the church, with being a discipler, with being a disciplee, with being a follower of Jesus. I have been developing my juggling act all my life, and I think many of us are in that boat (there I am on the water again). We juggle and juggle and juggle and occasionally, as it sometimes happens when juggling…
It all comes crashing down.
The laundry piles up to the point that I have no clean socks to wear.
I put two different shoes on my feet as I head out the door to work.
I tell my co-worker I will order the plaque to help her out and totally forget to order it.
I forget to tell hubby that I was coming home late because of a meeting at church.
I miss college night at the school because of when I scheduled that very same meeting.
I double book myself scheduling a coffee date on top of said meeting.
I miss my daughter’s orthodontist appointment… you know why.
Let me clear the air, set the record straight. No folks, I don’t have it all together, I am juggling each element of life, just like you to be the best wife, mom, friend, grandma, business woman, leader, discipler, disciplee, follower that I can be. Sometimes, it all works and things jive and life is happy and things function smoothly, and those are probably those chance times when the friends and friendquaintances are watching and thinking that I am somehow fitting my life together perfectly. BUT sometimes… it all comes crashing down. Life gets tedious and sometimes I fail miserably at piecing it all together.
When that happens, and I promise it does, I bring my focus back to Jesus who is a way better juggler than me. He gives me peace and rest, and I stand on this rock which puts me right there at His Feet and it all seems to work, and the rest really doesn’t matter.
Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Philippians 3:12
I am a work in progress, just like you and everyone else. I am not the standard. Don’t let me be your standard. You are not mine. Jesus is my goal, and I am going to make an extra effort to avoid comparing myself and my life to your goals. I’m just going to listen for His Voice and walk out the path He is laying out for me, one rock at a time.
And I’m OK with that.
Jenn
Waiting on the Next Step... 